


Before/After the Mourning

by 4corsets2horses



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ;), Death, M/M, alex briefly has short hair, and its like all set in a hospital, but its vaguely mentioned, but uhhh, duh - Freeform, guess who killed alex again, hercules has cancer but not in detail, how do you tag fics, idk why i kill him so often its an accident i swear, if you think of more tags i need to add can you tell me, theres a bus, uhhhhh, yeah theres that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 13:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11944950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4corsets2horses/pseuds/4corsets2horses
Summary: This isn't how it was supposed to go.They were supposed to be married before he died.





	Before/After the Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> gdhfjkgahk  
> yes this is based off an episode of greys dont judge me you heathens  
> uhhhh  
> enjoy?

Before  
"Alex, you're a Neuro attending!"

"Yes? And you're the Neuro resident Thomas. John is a cardio attending and Lafayette is a peds attending and if Hercules wasn't currently laid up in a hospital bed because of cancer he'd be continuing his position as a trauma attending. And James is a plastics resident and I can name what most of our friend group is. So what's the point?" Alex looked him in the from the mirror, one eyebrow raised as John cut another chunk of his hair. Stupid John Laurens, doing nothing to persuade Alexander out of his stupid decisions.

"The point is you can't just up and leave for the army!" Thomas stood up, running both of his hands through his hair. "There's no one to replace you! Nobody who has worked with this field as meticulously as you have!! No one who's been trained by me for since they were an intern!"

Alex continues to stare at him as John cuts his hair, and the judging look he's receiving makes him sit back down, defeated.

"So you find another intern, Thomas. I think this will be good for us, and I'd be better off as an army doctor anyways. You can't just continue to train your fiancé, the board might use it against you." He looked down at his ring as he spoke and Thomas felt his heart break a little. His love was determined to do this, and there was no talking him out of it. He watched the last of his hair float to the ground, and then John stepped away to grab an electric razor out of his bag. Thomas took the opportunity to get up and stand in front of his fiance. He kneeled down and took Alex's hands in his own, trying not to frown.

"I'm....scared. Alexander, I'm scared to let you go, I don't know what to do without you. I just...I don't like this uncertainty,” he mumbled, not looking up into the other's eyes. He heard Alex sigh and then watched as he slowly turned his hands to clutch Thomas's hands back.

"So let's make one thing certain...marry me sooner, Thomas. We can go to town hall on our lunch break and get married and then we'll have that. And you can be a little less worried that...that I won't come back and we'll be forever engaged...you understand?" he sounded small as he tried to explain it, and Thomas finally looked up at him.

"Yes," he whispered, then wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and nuzzled his stomach, "A thousand times yes."

They stayed like that while John finished Alexander's hair, chuckling through the hair that landed on him because he refused to move.

They couldn't make it to the town hall that day. But they knew they'd solidify their marriage before Alexander left. At least that's what Thomas thought.

After  
The heart monitor had been a solid line for a full minute. The attempts to resurrect the patient had failed and now everyone in the room stood frozen. That is until...

"We....we need to call it." It was John who spoke, watching the faces in the room. A nurse was about to open her mouth to do just that, but she was interrupted by a yell.

"No! You have to try harder! He can't be gone! We were going to get married!! You can't just give up on h-" Thomas stopped talking, tears filling up his eyes as he hugged himself around the middle and struggled to breathe. The room stood frozen again before John whispered to a nurse to run and get James.

"Time of death....5:56 pm," John announced after the nurse rushed out and Thomas let out a whine, clutching his waist tighter.

Before  
"You're lame," Hercules told Alex as he ran his hand through his new haircut and smiled weakly at him.

"I'm just trying to show you my killer new haircut and you insult me? Wow, rude. Did you guys see how rude he was?" he looked at the others in the room and they snorted.

"Alex you do look a little silly," Eliza said and high-fived Hercules when he chuckled. Lafayette and John simply nodded in agreement and Alex gasped in fake shock.

"Damn guys, I didn't know you were only friends with me for my hair." He clutched his heart in mock hurt and Eliza rolled her eyes.

"Yep, you found us out. Now get out, we don't want a strange man in Hercules' hospital room." She stuck her tongue out at him as he gasped again. He opened his mouth about to retaliate but his pager went off and he groaned.

"Until next time, my friends," he announced before rushing out of the room.

"Who said we were your friends?" Lafayette called after him and the room burst into laughter as Alex held up both his middle fingers.

After  
James sat in an on-call room, holding Thomas in his arms. Thomas who had yelled and cried for an hour before finally exhausting himself. Thomas who was supposed to be his strong and resilient best friend. Thomas who was now broken.

"Hey...it will be okay..." He whispered, rubbing Thomas' back. He just sniffled and clutched James tighter. It wouldn't be okay, not for a while. James knew that. But he could pretend.

In a different room, the one filled with lockers, John and Eliza sat on the floor holding each other. They were trying not to cry, eyes wet. They just wanted to be strong for Alex, knew he wouldn't want to see them cry over him. Knew they couldn't break over this.

And yet another room, Hercules held his phone. Repeatedly trying to call Alex as Lafayette stood there, unsure of what to say.

"When I coded earlier I had a dream. Like you know how Alex said when he died that one time he saw ghosts of all the people that we've seen die? Well I think I had something like that, but it was more a....a vision? We have to talk him out of the army, he's going to die there." Hercules didn't notice Lafayette flinch. But he paid attention to him as he carefully took his phone, and then grabbed one of his hands.

"You...need to promise to stay calm when I say this," he said softly, and Hercules nodded slowly. He was confused as to what Lafayette was doing, but he'd always listen to his boyfriend without question. "Alex is...he....Alexander isn't with us.. anymore. He's uh...we had a patient come in who had stepped in front of a bus for someone...and he...He was that patient. He's dead. Hercules, Alex is dead." Tears dropped on his sheets as Hercules watched Lafayette's face. He struggled to process what he'd said, there was no way he...

"No." He choked, tightening his hand around Laf's and looking at his phone.

Before  
"Mr. Jefferson I'm going hoooooome!" Alex hummed as he hugged him from behind. Thomas laid his hands over his and raised an eyebrow, even though he knew Alex couldn't see.

"And why is that, Mr. Hamilton?" he asked. Alex smiled against his back before stepped away.

"Because we may not yet be married but I am actually getting to clock out for the day and so I'm going to go make you a delicious dinner to come home to unless an emergency page comes through," he told him, smile growing ever so slightly.

"What if I emergency page you because I'm lonely?"

"Then you are abusing your pager and I'd have to turn you into Chief Washington."

"Well that's just a shame," he rolled his eyes and Alexander snorted before hugging him again.

"Give me a kiss you oaf, I won't see you for like four hours and that's just too many," he stood on his tiptoes ever so slightly and Thomas smirked. He kissed his nose, and afterward Alex had to whine for ten seconds before he indulged him and kissed him on the lips sweetly.

"Go home." He broke the hug after the kiss.

"I'm going, I'm going. I love you." Alex turned to leave but Thomas stopped him to kiss his forehead.

"I love you too, doll."

After  
Thomas stared at the hole in the ground. The pine coffin looked wrong there. And the person inside didn't belong there at all. Someone was sobbing loudly and he couldn't process any of the words that the priest was reciting. James squeezed his shoulder and muttered something about wiping his face. He did as suggested, a little surprised when his hand came away wet. He didn't even know he was crying. He thought he was all cried out. He looked up and saw Alex's friends leaving but stayed where he was. He didn't want to abandon Alex like that.

The four of them sat under a tree, it had started with Hercules walking away and then the other three followed. And now they were here in silence.

"He's gone." Hercules finally sighed. The other three nodded. Hercules breathed in shakily before letting out a hysteric giggle.

"He's the reason we're all friends and now he's gone. Its hilarious. Alexander Hamilton, the stupid kid that's been fighting for his legacy since the beginning. He's dead." He started laughing. John stared at him, a little worried, before he too started laughing. Eliza and Lafayette hesitantly joined in, the weight settling amongst them.

"He got hit by a bus, Hercules has cancer. Who's next?" Eliza said through her giggles.

"Ten bucks on John breaking up with Charles and getting banned from cardio." Lafayette replied, getting smacked for his troubles.

"Have some faith!" John practically yelled. They continued to laugh as people dispersed. They watched Thomas stay by the grave, and slowly sobered up. It hurt to be reminded of how excited Alex was to marry the man. Spend his entire life with him.

"He's gone," Eliza whispered. The other three responded softly with 'yeah'. She looked at them, took in all their features, and then pulled them into a group hug.

"We have to stick together. For him."

Before  
Eliza burst into the room where John was listening to Thomas plan out how they were going to deal with this patient.

"Bus patient is Alex!"

The room froze and everyone turned to look at her.

"What?" Thomas said, his voice small.

"The patient...who got hit by the bus...saving someone else...who you are all about to operate on...is Alex...it's Alex." She was on the verge of a panic attack, struggling to put her words together because she could barely process this herself.

"How do you know?" The stern voice surprised her. She didn't even know Chief Washington was in the room.

"W-what?" She asked.

"How do you know that this patient we are doing everything to keep alive is my son, Elizabeth? How do you know who he is? He sure can't verbally tell you!" He was on a thin line between panic and anger, and she ran her hands through her hair anxiously.

"I-I was talking about the people who were going to be working on him and when I m-mentioned Thomas he grabbed at my hand and I gave it to him and then he kind of whined before writing three letters on my hand repeatedly and it was L-e-x and it took a second to realize but t-then I asked if he was Alex and he squeezed my hand really tight and just. He's scared guys you can't...you can't...let him....die." She was choking on her tears, the room still frozen.

John opened his mouth to speak just as a nurse burst into the room, out of breath.

"You've got to get the bus patient into surgery now! His lungs are failing and the OR is ready!"

After  
Thomas stood at Alex's grave. The headstone looked wrong. Too new. It didn't belong at all. The dates mocked him.

"I miss you," he told the stone as he stepped forward. He really did. They were holding together, despite difficulties. No one had left or stopped being friends or anything. They had grown closer, if anything. Their social gatherings were a little emptier, no loud mouthed Caribbean there to tell them how it was. But they stuck together, promising to be strong just for him. He took a velvet box out of his pocket, and laid it on top of the grave. It was empty, the ring in the coffin with him, but that was okay.

"I'll always love you," he said softly.

The skies opened up suddenly and Thomas continued to stand there, letting the rain mix with his tears. He only left because John came to get him so he didn't get sick.

_Alex watched him leave, running his finger along the velvet box that once held the weight of the ring on his finger; "I'll always love you too. This isn't your fault. Don't get stuck on me."_

Thomas stopped walking, looking behind him. The ring box had shifted but he blamed it on the rain.

"What's wrong, Thom?"

"Nothing. Just thought I heard his voice again." He shook his head and they kept walking.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave COMMENTS and kudos <3  
> i hope you liked it (i hate it now i liked it but then i didnt but i mean its my work so i expected that)  
> i'm trying to get back into the flow of writing heehhh
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at: [the-gay-rosario](http://the-gay-rosario.tumblr.com) aND reads my other works maybe?


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